How to keep away from your EX after a break up

Breaking up is the easy part; it is staying apart after the break-up that gets difficult, if you let it. Very often you hear of people trying to break-up, and then giving up because they just seem to be wanting to get back into the very relationship they wanted to get out of.

A break up can be like a new year's resolution - easy to make- but difficult to follow through.

What makes people go back into a toxic relationship or a relationship that has gone bad or one that was good so far, but does not have a future anymore?

It is the "withdrawal" symptoms that a person faces after having been with another for a period of time. Until that time, when things were bad, they were busy thinking about the sad relationship and how they wanted to get out- and when they finally make the break; they suddenly have nothing to do, and so the mind tricks them into believing that the past was a better place than the present, and so they make every effort to get back. Another thing is that they are "used" to that person. So it is more like a habit being with them. Breaking up can then be likened to breaking a habit.

But there are ways in which you can successfully break up- and keep your ex away, and also save yourself from the temptation of walking back into the relationship.

1) identify the root cause of why you wanted to break up in the first place, and keep reminding yourself of it.

2) before you actually break up, do the breaking up in your mind. You probably will feel the pain of it actually happening already, and deal with it in your mind. Imagine a life without your "ex" and get comfortable with the idea. (though you have not yet physically left the relationship, you have to accept the fact that the person is your "ex" already - in the now.)

3) Find activities that will keep you busy when you do finally walk out. example: join a gym, a social service group, enroll in a class to learn a new language or skill. This way you will not have free time in which to sit and brood over things.

4) remind yourself of the time when you did not know your ex- and your life still went on. You were still happy. You do not need him/ her to make you happy.

5) remind yourself that it is a matter of time; that it is the first three weeks that are really crucial. It is said that it takes 21 days or 3 weeks of consistently following a new behavior or habit, in order for it to become permanent.

So if you make it through those 3 weeks without once THINKING of calling your ex, or picking up a call if he /she calls you, or giving in to temptation of visiting your favorite haunts, or talking to common friends to get news of them- you are more or less free.

6) remind yourself that it is THINKING about them too often that will bring them back- one way or another.

7) do not worry about how they will manage without you, or what they are doing now, or who they are seeing etc. Remember your ex is an adult, and can look after himself/herself. That they will also move on given time.

8) remind yourself that it is not necessary to hate a person to break up with them. It is possible to love the person, but you still are better off without them in your life.

In short do the mental work first, the physical action will be easy.